Single by Choice

"You're so cute. How comes you're single?"
"Can I be that man in your life?"

I cannot tell a person how many times I've had males ask me those questions. If only i had US $1for every time I've been asked that question....

I have no idea why persons think being single is the end of the world. One might want to justify it by saying that it's because of bad heartbreaks why I remain single, but that's not it. I choose to remain single. I refuse to let an empty void in my heart destroy me by going in a relationship for the wrong reasons. I refuse to hurt others because I'm hurt and refuse to sap another person's energy to fulfil my emotional needs. Yes I've had many offers, and I've denied all of them just for the sake of guarding my heart.

I'll be transparent for a bit. I've had 4 bad heartbreaks in the space of less than one year. I'll just call it unfortunate that I've allowed myself in the same situation so many times. 3 out the 4 relationships started because I felt lonely and distraught and wanted some form of comfort and security. I didn't go in those relationships because of genuine interest in the guy, but rather to fill the emptiness I felt inside. If your reasoning behind going into a relationship- females and males alike- is that you don't want to be alone, or because you want to impress a group of people for a simple rating, then you're reasoning is wrong.

I was watching a YouTube video by Toure Roberts (you should really watch his videos) speaking about relationships and soulmates, and he said something that stood out in my mind. He said that two broken people cannot be in a relationship. If you're looking to that other person to fill the cracks in your heart or to put it back together, then you better prepare for another heart shattering experience. When that person leaves, you will become incomplete again... And they may even widen the already deep cracks present in your heart. This is why it is so important to guard your heart.

When your heart is broken and you're hurting, you tend to hurt others as well....including those people you love. We become like cactuses or broken glass, so whenever someone tries to reach out to us, we will stick or scrape them. They will get bruised. Not everyone will understand that period in your life, and as a result you'll get different responses from different people. Sometimes even your best friends will leave you to suffer alone, but that is actually a good thing in the long run. Yes it will hurt a lot, but it teaches you to survive on your own. It teaches you to find contentment within yourself and with yourself. People won't always be around, so it is best you learn to be content with your own company.

Before getting into a relationship, learn to enjoy your own company. Make sure you're not a badly broken up individual looking for a void filler to help bring you comfort. Make sure you're a whole being before you get in a relationship. If you need to seek counselling, do so.  And if you are a whole being, watch out for broken emotion and energy drainers. They will leave you emotionally exhausted. Guard your hearts.

Why Am I Still Lonely?

"...And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."- Matthew 28:20

Loneliness...
That's a word many persons are familiar with. It's a word many of us have cleaved on to, held hands with, and entertained. Yes that also includes Christians.

When was the last time you've been lonely? Was it when you were with your friends? With your family? In church? At school? A concert maybe? After a bad relationship? The fact of life is that we're humans and loneliness is inevitable. Our natural response to loneliness is rejection. We try to push it away, hide it, or run away from it. Loneliness creates a void within us that we will always have the urge to fill. Nobody likes to feel incomplete right?

The sad truth is that we tend to take on the wrong things as void fillers. There's a longing for completion, so we look for that " missing piece" to complete out unfinished or dismantled puzzle. We look for that missing puzzle piece in relationships, friendships, physical activity, education, wealth, marriage, crowds, etc. Usually, those pieces never fit, and we know they don't fit, yet we still try to force them into our void, knowing that one day it will just fall out or cause us a multitude of pain.

We can't forcefully fill any voids within us. We don't know the shape and size of it, so we will not ever be able to fill it with the right thing. We do, however, have a personal relationship with the one who knows the depths and measures of our emptiness, and knows exactly how to fill it. We hold hands with Jesus who promises that weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. He also promises that he will NEVER leave us nor forsake us.

Coming from a place of loneliness myself, I've searched for many things to fill the emptiness within me. I've used relationships, casual sex, friends, music, alcohol, food, sleep...so many of the wrong things. Then I learnt that the answer didn't lie within me, but the Christ who lived within me. Yes I'm still alone almost everywhere I go, but I'm learning by the grace of God to be content with being by myself. The Lord has a purpose for everything. Maybe the people around you were influencing you the wrong way, and you were developing some negative traits from them. Maybe you were too dependent on these things and/or people and God wants to teach you independence and help you find your worth. Maybe you're trying to solve a God-shaped problem with a man-made solution. Whatever it is, just know that God is doing it for your future good, and also to teach us something. Here are a few things:

1. He's using your loneliness to open your heart to love and allow you to see the hidden beauty within others.
2. He wants you to gain sight of your purpose  by taking you out of the crowds and the noise.
3. He wants you to pay more attention him, so he isolates you.

Take time to analyse your loneliness and how you're approaching it. Are you trying too hard to fill the void within you? Where are you looking for these void fillers?

" Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." - Isaiah 40: 28-31 (ESV)